


Empty Shell of A Heart

by willobert



Category: The Royals (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ughhhh, WHY DID I WRITE THIS AGAIN, not for weak hearts, pure angst, robert is just an empty shell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 07:59:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14374395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/willobert/pseuds/willobert
Summary: Robert isn't sure if letting himself love Willow was such a good idea.





	Empty Shell of A Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my mind since ending of 4 x06.... Cassandra hit Robert right in his insecurities and i'm afraid he will believe her, grew colder and try to protect himself. Also next episode is famous "I want to see you again Kathryn, i can't get you out of my mind." so i had to. I really hope it doesn't go like this in the show though. Enjoy and please don't forget to leave feedback!

Protect.

Defend.

Attack.

 

It was a simple rule, simple plan. One that has been planted in Robert's head for too long.

He remembered himself, only 6 years old. He wasn't like other 6 years olds. He knew this from his friends, and by observing Liam and Eleanor when they were 6 years old.

6 years olds tend to play. They tend to make a mess, watch cartoons and play games with their friends.

Only, it wasn't how it went for Robert. He had so little friends back then, mostly because none of the kids wanted to play with 'future king of England' and offend him somehow.

 

From schools to private teachers, he barely had time to play anyway. After all the lessons, awaited royal lessons; teaching him how to act in social event, who sat where, what fork should he use... And after that, he got chess lessons by his father. It was favorite time of the day for little Robert, playing chess with his father, trying to impress him and win.

More of the first, least of the less. Their chess time was special, it taught Robert a lot of things, and he always looked forward to it. Especially after Liam and Eleanor were born.

 

Being a king already took so much of Simon's time and when he got two more kids, Robert started seeing him less and less. His excessive training to become a king has played a part in that, for sure, but his father spending all of his free time with adorable twins was the main reason.

When you have two siblings, you needed to create something to have some quality time with your father, or at least it was like that in Robert's case. So when their chess time didn't get cut, he felt relieved. He cherished these special moments, sneaking looks at his father while playing, to see if he was impressed, proud. To see if he noticed how hard Robert worked when he wasn't around, even under rain, how he improved himself... Up until the last game, he did.

 

Robert corrected his train of thoughts. His father had nothing to do with this. It was his mother, in fact, who first taught him.

 

"You have to be careful," said the queen, when Robert was just 6 years old. He had come home teary eyed, because he just fell from his horse during riding practices.

"Careful?" He had asked, rubbing his eyes. Helena nodded.

"There are a lot of people out there who wants what you have. Who _would kill_ , for what you have. You need to remember it constantly."

"I don't understand." Robert said. He had just fell from a horse. Helena kneeled down, caressing her son's hair and cupping his cheeks in her hands.

"I know, my darling. And i know it hurt. But you can't storm off like that, in front of eyes of so many people, not again."

"Even if i'm hurt?" He asked, confused.

"Especially if you are hurt. There are so many people out there who wants to see you hurt, my darling. We should not give them that. Remember, you have to protect what you have."

 

And so Robert did. He worked all his life, until his father told him he is going to disband the monarchy, to protect what was his. He worked; tears, blood and sweat. He became excellent in everything and he never let anyone see him hurt again.

 

Robert took a big sip from his whisky. This was not the place. He should not be thinking of these... Yet after Cassandra left his study yesterday , he could not help himself.

 

Then it was military, Robert remembered. Learning to fly a plane was the same too. You had to protect yourself, defend if you have to and lastly, attack.

 

"Robert?" He heard someone call and stopped thinking. It was for better anyway. He looked at Willow, who was looking like a fairytale creature in that black dress she was wearing.

"It was horrible, wasn't it? I did horrible." She asked, taking a big sip from her red wine to calm herself.

"It was fine." Robert said, in an assuring tone. His little smile however, wasn't sincere.

"Are you sure?" She asked, giving him a worried side eye.

"I am." Robert repeated, trying to smile bigger so she can relax. "The press really came at you but you handled yourself perfectly."

"I'm glad you think so," Willow replied, obviously relieved to hear his words. "I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

Had she known the power of words, she would never say this. Robert looked down, holding it all in. Another seed of hope came out and Robert crushed it as soon as possible.

It sounded like she cared about him. About his opinions. And one part of Robert, believed her.

But the other part, which was alarmed since yesterday and kept replaying Cassandra's words, did not.

"You could never embarrass me." He said to her at last, with a charming smile. He felt sick, because he was acting to be charmed by her.

He never had to act around her, since they've met. Even if putting her on that list was at first for wrong reasons, his moments with her have never been fake.

He did this with Kathryn. He gave her a charming smile, made her think he cared about her. But not with Willow. Never with Willow.

 

 _Defense_ , his brain reminded.

He was just protecting himself.

 

Willow smiled at him and Robert did not know what to do. He studied her, to see if her eyes were honest, if she was sincere.

He could not read her. He was great at reading people but now his emotions were in the way and they clouded his judgement.

She did not wear his necklace, Robert noticed. She tend to never take it off since she told him she wanted to be on the list. Yet tonight, she was not wearing it.

Robert didn't blame her. This event was huge and the diamond necklace she had on suited better for it. He also thought his mother had something with it.

Yet even while he knew these, he could not help but feel bothered.

 

A few hours passed, quite quickly. Robert's eyes were on Willow all the time, testing her. He had tested her all evening, trying to make a judgement for himself.

And he was still nowhere.

He saw her talking with Liam and smiling. Kathryn wasn't there, and Robert felt his chest tighten.

 

Willow's smiles were special. And he wished they were just for him.

 

Cassandra's voice ringed in his ears.

 

"She is playing with you," she said. " _She doesn't love you_. She might love _him_."

 

Robert didn't realize what a big, fearful thought it was until Cassandra put it in his brain. He was used to being replaced by people he loved for Liam. His father did it, so did Kathryn. Hell, even the country did it, when they thought Robert was dead.

 

Noone seemed to love him without having an ulterior motive. He thought his mother and Eleanor were different, but Eleanor grew colder towards him and his mother...

She dared to doubt him. Ask him if he was a good man. When she was to blame for the way he turned out, for raising him the way she did.

 

He wasn't okay with his family not caring for him, but he learned how to cope. However the thought of Wilhelmina not caring for him… Her loving Liam…

It crushed Robert’s soul, leaving him with an unbearable weight on his chest. Sometimes it got harder to breathe because of it.

 

Robert looked away, masking the pain. Another thought came to his brain, as if all his self sabotage systems were turned on.

_“You were a fool for thinking anyone could love you.”_

 

He knew this, and still let himself believe. Hope. Hope that Willow could grow to love him. Accept him. Care about him.

 

What a fool he was… Didn't his father tell him he was no good? That he didn't have a good heart? That it was just who he was?

 

So why the hell did he hope again?

 

Robert swallowed the pain and saw Kathryn.

Someone as kind, as loyal and as sweet as Willow would never love him.

Robert shook his head, reminding himself she might not be that innocent. That she, indeed, might be playing with his heart.

He looked back at them and saw them still talking. Robert wondered if all of it was a plan. Her acting kind to him, not accepting to be on the list… Was it some kind of plan to make Robert chase her? Want her more? If it was, she surely succeeded. Robert fell for it.

 

He turned around and looked for Kathryn. It was amazing how one’s chest could feel so heavy when it was empty.

 

He needed to protect himself. To make sure he didn’t end up being a fool, or that he didn’t feel much more for her than what he was already feeling.

 

Because if he felt for her any more, there was going to be no coming back. His plane crushed and he survived on that island, yes. For days, given up on life, he stayed there, thinking of everything. He had no hope, nothing to go back to since his father decided Robert wouldn’t make a good king.

Which was what he had prepared to become for all of his life. So at one second, he was stripped off his life’s purpose. He was a man with nothing.

But then illusions of Kathryn got him up. Reminding him of what he wanted. What was his destiny… Robert wanted that crown, worked so damn hard for it, and he wasn’t going to let it go without a fight.

He got up that time. Not hope, but he found a shred of determination and he rose up.

 

However this time, he doubted he could do that. Willow was his last hope, the last goodness in him. If he allowed himself to let his walls down, let her in, it could be a disaster. If he let himself love her, she could…

 

Destroy him. Had she truly have feelings for Liam, she would crush Robert. Robert would fall, and this time, he wouldn’t be able to get up. Ever.

 

A distasteful feeling filled him, as he saw the blonde woman. He finished the rest of his drink in one gulp and walked towards her.

 

If they wanted to play like that, so be it, Robert thought.

 

It was time to attack.


End file.
